No Alcohol – Day 30

Et voilà !

30 days, without a drop of alcohol, completed last night and confirmed this morning 🙂

I took it easy last night and watched a DVD; so Cath was right in her comment yesterday. All I had to do was sit back and relax.

Last night, I had a dream that I failed on my thirtieth day. The setting was kind of strange, I was in a car, outside a grocery store. It definitely felt like I was in a Southern states in the USA: the car was a run-down automatic gear from the early 90s, the kind of shape you only see in the United States… the landscape was a desert. I was with somebody else, a man, but I can’t remember who it was. I was definitely aware that this was the 30th day of this no alcohol trial.

And then something happened: I was in a state where I don’t control my actions. A state where another pilot is in charge of my body -of my actions- and I am sitting in the corner and am a spectator of what my body is doing. It’s like that other pilot knew he had a small window of opportunity, and therefore he made me drink as many beers as he could, until I was able to regain control over myself. During this little frame, my body swallowed three pints of beer. While this was going on, I was watching with a feeling of powerlessness, screaming: “don’t do it, you’ve been doing so well”…

I was left wtih a feeling of failure, and self loathing. I couldn’t believe that I let it all go away like that. I was so angry and sad that failure had crushed me 2 metres before the finish line. And what was I going to tell my friends? Was I going to pretend that the episode didn’t happen? Was I going to lie and say I succeeded my trial, and then avoid looking at them in the eyes because I knew I was lying, and shut myself from them? Or was I going to tell the truth and come accross as the guy who doesn’t bring projects to completion?

When I woke up this morning, I had forgotten about the dream, but I felt unhappy, and I didn’t really know why. I did stare at the window or the ceiling a few times, then fought off the feeling by going back to sleep. Then I went through the list of what I had to do today, and blogging came in my todo list; then I thought I had to write the last post of the trial, and I remembered the dream. For a brief instant, I wondered whether I had really succeeded the trial. Of course, thinking rationnally about it didn’t make sense, because I didn’t just fly away to the US, and embarked on a road trip in the South, and failed on my 30th day. But it’s no news that dreams feel so real- and I wondered.

In a way, this dream prevents me today from fully appreciating my success. I know I have accomplished something today, but for some reason, there is a bitter feeling in the back of my head. Anyway, that feeling of loss of control is a feeling that I had experienced in the past with alcohol, but also with food, or even my spending. It’s no wonder why I blogged about these topics and made those trials; they are all linked.

Right now, I’m going to continue not drinking, like I said before. I don’t know when I’ll start the next 30 day trial; I’m going to India on holiday, so I’ll definitely enjoy that break, and not start any trial there! I’ll post my concluding thoughts to summarize the benefits of this trial though. Stay tuned.

4 Responses to “No Alcohol – Day 30”

  1. Julien Says:

    Congratulations. I’m thinking about doing the same to be honest!!

    Maybe you could try the 5 a day trial. Actually succeeding in eating 5 differents fruits and veg every day! Not as easy as it sounds in this world!

    I’ve heard it as an immediate impact on your energy level!

    Let us know and congrats again.
    And stop flying to the US overnight it’s not good for your budget!

  2. N Says:

    Wooohooo!! Congrats!! I’m standing at the side, cheerleader-wise, jumping up and down, waving my pon-pons in the air (but not flashing my boobs, sorry).

  3. Cath Says:

    Yay you did it. I think your next goal should just be to have a blast in India.

    Btw, being from states, it sure is funny to read a line like: “a run-down automatic gear from the early 90s, the kind of shape you only see in the United States…” Just something I would never normally hear.

    Anyway, congrats!

  4. thirtydaytrials Says:

    Hey, thanks Cath!
    Am now sitting in waiting lounge at Paris Charles de Gaulle airport, intending to follow your advice fully ! 🙂
    Thanks for following, stay tuned !

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